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Since Pangea
Dec. 8th, 2009
03:22 pm - And I'm not my body or how I choose to destroy it; Folk singers sing songs for the working, baby
Seems I'm gonna be stuck here even longer.
My dad moved out of the house, wants to sell it, but needs to renovated it first. Wants me and my brothers to do it. So I guess I'll be helping with that.
My brother is being extremely slow about mixing the album. He just started working on it this month, but I don't know how much effort he's putting into it. He's good at what he does, but I would've liked to have it done last month. It also shouldn't take long, because there aren't as many tracks in each project as there are in most of the stuff he works on. This is why I hate relying on other people.
Chris got a job in Lawrence, Massachusetts. He commutes for now, but he'll be getting a place in Boston it seems. Any chance of Chris moving to New York with me left when he got the job in Massachusetts. Good for him that he has a job, of course. Bad for me that I don't have one.
Also, Alex doesn't want to move until spring, because he hates moving in the winter. So that's gonna keep me here a little longer, too, unless I miraculously manage to be a major overnight success. Chances of that happening: none.
Well, I guess while I'm here I'll take the time to expand my horizons, musically, and start working on some pieces that could be used as scores for film or television like I've been meaning to attempt. Broaden my catalog and all that jazz. Not like I have anything waiting for me in New York or Boston anyway.
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frustratedNov. 11th, 2009
04:11 pm - ...
Preparing to begin my career in earnest these past few months is evoking in me a few emotions I'd lost touch with for some time. A sort of giddy excitement mixed with nervous trepidation to a degree that leaves me nauseous, but nonetheless determined. The information gathering: reading and watching various interviews with successful musicians from all castes, reading blogs by professional songwriters and A&R reps, forum arguments between performing musicians and managers and booking agents and the like, looking into information on services provided by listing companies and reviews on their legitimacy and usefulness, discussions and arguments with several friends who have both inside and outside views on the matter. And then the recording of the album, and subsequent composition/recording of new material, while continuously practicing the established. Working on my technique, improving my lyricism and my riffs, getting better at finding the balance between commercially applicable and worthy of artistic merit. The shock on people's faces when they hear what I've been working on, or hearing people critique material behind my back but still having positive things to say.
It seems like every other day I find something to discourage me, make me question if I really am prepared for such an undertaking. But then I always discover some new article or testimony or just a wonderful new piece of music the next day to embolden my spirits, make me realize that this is a craft that I don't just enjoy immensely, but is perhaps the only thing I truly love with every ounce of my being. For me, it feels like nothing matters more these days. Sure, I have friends I see every now and then, and I do play video games or watch X-Files or some such thing, send rude text messages to Christine, learn how to make elaborate meals, whatever, but all these other things I enjoy really only punctuate the times I'm involving myself with music in some shape or form. I'm constantly writing songs (I may or may not have breached the 300 mark by now), I'm constantly playing my guitar, constantly experimenting with new synths and sounds, constantly looking towards the next big step forward for my performance, my albums, my image, my knowledge of the business. Almost all of my conversations with people seem to devolve into either showing them my latest composition or discussing new techniques or exploiting loopholes and exceptions in theory, and how to mesh odd practices and make them feel normal while examination shows how bizarre the expression happens to be.
People talk about certain things, certain concepts or beliefs or cultures in life, how these things are parts of their very being. I guess that's what music is for me, which I suppose makes sense after being involved with it for almost a decade, and not giving up on it. It's laborious for sure, but when you love something you put up with whatever bothers you about it because of what it means to you, the importance of it and the reciprocation from the investment put into it. It's kinda like what the Beatles said: "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." People don't work like that of course, but music does. For me, at least. Maybe when people start working like that I can stop being such a misanthrope.
Yea, right.
Matt Wassung randomly also made me feel much better about moving to New York. He also made a passing mention of still reading this journal, which surprised me a bit since I thought nobody was really paying attention. Not that it ever mattered that people weren't, but it was somewhat pleasant to know that some folks were still paying attention despite not having any reason to. I'll admit that it did prompt me to write another entry after such a long hiatus.
Album news: Andrew and his mates are mixing it. Shouldn't take too long since I don't use as many tracks as he does (he usually uses around 50-70, whereas I typically have anywhere between 10 and 20, sometimes 30). Of course, this is due to the difference in styles more than anything else. He's really quite good at engineering/producing. His band's stuff is also pretty high quality. Not my preferred style, but I do recognize quality when I hear it. Anyway, the outlook is good on the album. I can't wait to get it finished.
Chris gets off work soon. Time to play some guitar I think.
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a little hungryOct. 1st, 2009
03:37 pm - Me and all these other dice bouncing around in the cup
UNION PARK
Hey there kid, your heartbeat's a metronome click
You're a wildfire, you're twentieth century music
So if you'll spare a drag of your fag, I'll bring my guitar
And I'll meet you down at Union Park
You got the soul of a Holiday singing up some blues
I'll strum you up the rhythms of Robertson's contemporary tunes
We can perform for all the dog walkers, the joggers, your co-worker stalker
Busk out a few favorites until the cops ask for our permit
Pack it up and move along now
Hey there kid, your heartbeat's a metronome click
You're a wildfire, you're twentieth century music
So if you'll spare a swig of your fifth, I'll bring my guitar
And we can sing for all the weirdos down at Union Park
Your voice is a trap incognito as jazzy three four tap
The most beautiful sound this side of Broadway even if the Blue Note don't recognize that
We'll find a better place with a better sense of taste
'Cause lyrebirds in song were made for the stage
And I was meant for free drinks on the house
Hey there kid, your heartbeat's a metronome click
You're a wildfire, you're twentieth century music
So if you'll spare a mote of a note, I'll bring my guitar
And we can share a song down at Union Park
And we can symphonize down at Union Park
And we can spend some time down at Union Park
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/blank.gif){kind=small}
writin' writin' writin'Sep. 27th, 2009
05:57 pm - My last will and testament was full of things that I didn't really mean; I wanna come clean
Life sucks right now.
Just throwin' it out there. I could write a novel about it, but I'll pass.
On another note, I should compose that grunge rock album I always wanted to record.
whateverSep. 23rd, 2009
02:31 pm - They will not control us; We will be victorious
SMILE
Television, magazines
Bleach blond, chemically cleaned
Pristine skin, synthesized
All designed to blow our minds
No talent, celebrity dream
Sex tape, you're in the scene
Sensation, a marketing scheme
Confections, we shove these treats
Down our throats
Smile for the paparazzi as you have your fun
Huff, puff, blow the man down in the back of the club
When you don't got what it takes to stay on the list
It's time to exploit our hungry minds with every dirty trick
Falling behind, you know the score
Time to become another Hollywood whore
If you're VIP, it's not prostitution
Just an avenue avoiding destitution
Achieving more, putting on less
Where there's a will, there's a paycheck
Perverted lifeforms, carbon based
Undue admiration for a silicone face
Dollar sign eyes as we masturbate
Smile for the paparazzi so we can have our fun
Huff, puff, blow the man down in hi-definition
When you don't got what it takes to stay on the list
It's time to exploit our hungry minds with every dirty trick
Like lambs to the slaughter, we empty our wallets
We know we're suckers, but we love every last minute
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workaholicSep. 7th, 2009
07:30 pm - Take a look at the lawman beating up the wrong guy; Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
MARS
I wanna move to Mars
No motorbikes, no cars
No overzealous overdosing movie stars
Just a red sea of sand streaming as far
As far
As far as the eye can decipher
I wanna live on Mars
No communists smoking their cigars
No capitalists crying in their bars
Just me with my guitar and my heart
My heart
My guitar, serenading this sanguine star
I wanna move to Mars
Send me on a shuttle and shoot me beyond the moon
I need to get away from this planet so blue
Making up its problems just to find something to do
Planet Earth, I need to get away before I start to lose my mind
To you
I won't let myself lose myself to you
Lose lose lose
Losing sight of the big picture
Shooting blind over a little stricture
Get over it, it isn't that big of a deal
But you won't because people never ever want to feel
A little good, a little peaceful
So I'm gonna get me a space shuttle
I wanna move to Mars
I wanna live on Mars
Planet Earth is such a farce
Slice itself up to complain of its scars
I just want a red sea of sand and some stars
Some stars
Some stars to stare at and settle my heart
I wanna move to Mars
Losing sight of the big picture
Shooting blind over a little stricture
Get over it, it isn't that big of a deal
But you won't because people never ever want to feel
A little good, a little peaceful
So I'm gonna get me a space shuttle
I wanna move to Mars
(Send me on a rocket) I wanna move to Mars
(Send me on a rocket) I wanna live on Mars
(Send me on a rocket) I wanna move to Mars
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artisticSep. 1st, 2009
11:14 pm - Lightning comes and lightning goes and it's all the same to me
Chris and I recorded 27 sets of vocals across Monday and Tuesday. Some of them we double tracked, and some others were quad tracked. All recorded for 10 of the 15 songs we're working on. I also re-wrote the verse lyrics to "And I Was" on Monday, gave it more words and more flow, plus Chris and I developed a more interesting vocal melody for the verses. All in all, much better than the original. We also composed a vocal harmony for the entirety of "Repeat Offender" and some new backing vocals for "The Succubus Shuffle". Chris recomposed the backing vocal harmonies in "Blindsided" but I have yet to hear the takes for them. I'll check'em tomorrow evening after work.
Chris was a real sport about working intensely on these sessions. We started at around 9:30 both days and recorded until almost midnight on Monday and up until almost 4:00 on Tuesday. We took lunch breaks, but we pretty much worked straight through the days. If we can just do one more day like that I think we can finish the rest of the vocal tracks. Can't come soon enough.
Kate recorded a couple tracks on Saturday evening. Developed harmonies for the backing vocals on "Simply Strange" and "Sunshine Days" and then recorded them. Thanks, Kate. She also told us that our recordings sounded really professional and that we were going to make, I quote, "mad money." Thanks again, Kate. I hope we do make "mad money", but in the event that we don't, I guess I'll just keep trying.
I just keep trying. What a motif.
I got the new Third Eye Blind and Jet albums, "Ursa Major" and "Shaka Rock" respectively. They're pretty awesome. I'm really really into "Ursa Major" right now, especially the songs "Don't Believe A Word", "Water Landing" and "Bonfire". I'd like to write a set of lyrics to it, but my motivation is lacking right now. Still, it's a real great listen.
Full moon out tonight.
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you. Hey, Dave Grohl!
My wallet is in Chris' car.
fine enough I guessAug. 23rd, 2009
09:41 pm - Where have all my heroes gone?
So I've pretty much finished all the instruments for "Simply Strange" tonight. Last things I needed to finish up were the steel drums, the solos and the synth. Listening to it right now. Still need to do vocals, but that needs to be done for all of the songs.
I suppose I could compose a keyboard part for "Playback", but I may just pass on it. The instrumentals on that song might be perfectly fine for the kind of song it is. Just need Chris to record the second solo for that and we'll be golden.
Chris recorded 2 of his solos for "Sunshine Days", and they sound great as far as I can tell. I need to mix them in and nitpick a bit, but I think they're the ones. He still needs to do the 3rd solo, but that's easy enough. We can do that tomorrow.
I still need to put "Zephyr" together. I haven't recorded my parts for it yet. Easy enough. Take care of that tomorrow in 20 minutes. Piece of cake.
Gotta mess around with the synth on "The Succubus Shuffle", since Chris isn't too keen on the frequency it's at. I like it, but he doesn't seem to care for the glide effect on it, though he admittedly is not a fan of synthesizers and more a fan of straight up piano. The synth is too fun to drop though.
Gotta figure out a couple kazoo solos. My boss Andrew got me an electric kazoo after I told him I'd incorporate kazoo in a legitimate fashion if he bought me one. And he did. Maybe I'll stick some overdrive on that thing. We'll see.
I'm still a huge sucker. Oh well.
I need to finish this album. I'm way behind schedule.
whateverAug. 12th, 2009
12:40 am - No big deal, we can play it nice and cool and keep the pressure off; Invite our friends
I've never been to a wedding.
I bring this up because I've recently had to check "Will not be attending" on an RSVP for my cousin's. I can't afford the plane ticket to Tucson, Arizona. Plus, October is likely going to be a big month of planning, organization and change for me. I'll likely have to turn down going to Washington state in November as well because of it, and that's a plane ticket I wouldn't even be paying for. Whatever, I'm not concerned.
I am concerned about getting this recording finished. Working 40 hours a week makes it tough though. Doesn't allot a whole lot of time. Just Mondays and Tuesdays. It's also a lot of work to record, mix in, edit volumes... That, and getting Chris to record more properly. Not that I'm recording truly properly, but I'm working the best I'm able with what I've got. It's sounding really good so far. Gonna have to find out how to get vocals done better though. I'll discuss it with Andrew tomorrow, then try it out Thursday/Friday or something.
Every now and then I tend to feel forgettable. Sob sob sob. Whatever.
I just need to get recorded for the album:
* 1 harmonica part
* tambourine hits and shakes
* 3 acoustic rhythms
* 13 guitar solos
* 15 lead vocal parts
* 10 backing vocal parts
* the Sunshine Choir
Sounds like a lot when I throw out the numbers 15 and 10 and 13, but those parts are generally quickly recorded once the technique is down. Could likely get all the solos done in a day (likely 2 because Chris works slowly). All 25 vocal sets, including backing parts, likely 3-4 days. Sunshine Choir though... oy... I need to get people to stop by to record vocals for one song. I'll figure something out. I always do.
I like this song.
I can't wait to move to New York. Blow $50 on myself at a bar in a depressed stupor, and then stumble all the way back home far more efficiently than making my way to the bar in the first place.
Home. It's been awhile since I called any place or anyone that. At least to their face.
Whatever.
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tiredAug. 4th, 2009
07:32 pm - Fuck today; Fuck Oakland; Fuck California
Record record record.
That's all I do lately. That, and play NES games on my Wii. And work at the park. I lead a pretty uneventful life right now. It's all preparation for a better future and actually being cool, but still... I need some real excitement.
That's not true. I need to finish this album. Work harder on it than I have been. While I've been working hard on it I haven't been glued to my mixer and mic, which is what should be happening. Chris and I finished up the bass tracks today, which is great. Now we just need to do the rhythms for "I Couldn't Write That (So I Wrote Something Else)", "Playback", "Revolving Door", and "Zephyr". After that it's just the guitar solos, miscellaneous instruments, and then vocals. Then Andrew can begin mixing it all. Should be finished by September. I should start looking into web design, or maybe commission a site from my brother. Gotta get a MySpace set up soon, too. I fucking hate MySpace. Wish it wasn't so god damned necessary. Oh well.
I like the increase in harmonica parts on the songs. "A Timeless State of Affairs", "I Couldn't Write That (So I Wrote Something Else)", "Repeat Offender", and "Revolving Door" all have harmonica parts. I am very happy with this turn of events.
I went on a little road trip with Anna's mum the other week. Anna tried to get Grace to go because she thought it'd be awkward if it was just me and her mum. We didn't pick up Grace, we just headed straight to Massachusetts. We listened to "Avenue Q" and some Cole Porter songs, as well as various shuffled things on my iPod (including "Danger Zone" from Top Gun and "Moving Right Along" from the Muppet Movie). Anna's mum is pretty awesome. She had funny things to tell me about her daughter. She also suggested I listen to Kirsty McColl and the Pogues. Just the other day, she friended me on Facebook. Here's to you, Kieran. You're pretty awesome!
Also, another person of particularly special note: my dear friend Ariane. We've been reacquainted this summer via Silver Lake State Park. We also keep up on each others' Live Journal's, because we're cooler than you. Or at least she is. I seem to recall attempting to rectify my lack of hipness. Anyway, Ariane and I have plenty of discussions at the park each morning over career advice and suggestions and assessments of benefits and follies in our respective chosen careers (or in her case, one of her chosen careers... Congrats on your job acquisition, Ariane!). She's been perhaps the most helpful person I have spoken with on my path as a musician. I feel like I give off an argumentative stance when we discuss what an entertainer should and shouldn't do in today's market, but I am taking into consideration and generally agreeing with everything she suggests, which is something I rarely do when people talk with me on this because most everyone I talk to seems to still be stuck in the 20th century mindset. And while some aspects of 20th century music business are still applicable, the digital age and the collapse/restructuring of the record label giants has brought us into a whole new ball field, with its own set of rules and tactics. Ariane seems to understand this more so than just about everyone else I've spoken with, and so has provided me with a lot of guidance on my issues. So for being one of the only people I could consider a trusted advisor at the moment, I thank you, Ariane.
I've had "Careless Whisper" stuck in my head for some time.
I really like this song a lot. At first, I thought I was just mistaking whatever he was singing for "Fuck California", because the tone of the song and the way it was mixed would make one assume that it didn't say that and that it was likely just being misheard. I checked the lyrics recently:
Give me a lake that I can dive into
Bury my head in the shit at the bottom
Fuck today, fuck San Francisco
Fuck California
That just turned this number into my current fake favorite song. Not a real favorite, but a song that I just really really really really like at the moment, that I will probably just like a lot later. It's fun. And I hated California. Or at least LA, because LA sucks. So do the highways. Fuck California. I'm moving to New York.
I hope I can move by late October. That's pretty optimistic though. The realist in me is predicting probably December. The pessimist in me is saying I'll never dig myself out of this hole. Fuck that.
Fuck California.
Ha ha!
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/blah.gif){kind=small}
boredJul. 24th, 2009
01:22 pm - They warn you about killers and thieves in night; I worry about cancer and living right
I'm glad I don't have to write any songs right now. Because it'd drive me insane not being able to focus tightly enough to paint a worthwhile composition. I keep starting things up and can't finish them because I just can't be satisfied with anything I'm coming up with at the moment. It's pretty frustrating.
So I finally asked Anna out. She said no, which I don't blame her for in the least. Pretty much only two people to blame for that really, namely Tooms and myself. Tooms, because he's a goddamn player, and me because... well, let's not turn this into another self depreciating entry now. I'm not sure why I asked her after she was being hit on all night by some drunk idiot. Not sure why I asked her on her birthday either. That was pretty stupid. But, dumbest of all, I'm not sure why I even asked her at all. I already knew what the answer was going to be, and now I can only wonder if she's going to second guess all of my intentions from here on out. The only thing I did right was make sure that she had an escape route if she felt awkward at all, but she was just as wonderful as she always is and stayed and talked with me about it, in spite of me acting a little unfair and impatient. She even showed me not only some empathy, but some sympathy, too, while standing there in her dress outside in the rain. She trivialized her worth, and there she was getting soaked while patiently listening to the mumblings of a fool.
I'm a little rocky right now. I'm not moping around all over the place, just here and there. I'm working a bit more than normal on the album, which is good and I'm happy about that. I am a bit depressed about the rejection, and angry at myself for being so stupid and at Tooms for plenty of reasons. I really shouldn't be, since really I'm just back to where I was before, with the only difference being she knows for sure now, rather than having it be a probably. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. This song is also really depressing me, which is too bad because it's really good. I've picked up a few bad habits as of late, but I really don't give a damn. All I really care about accomplishing right now is finishing this album and moving to New York before this year is through.
That, and I hope that it's still as easy for her to be my pal as it was for her before me making a mess of things. Probably the most important thing to me right now.
I understand all of this is stupid. That none of it is really that big of a deal. Really, the only thing I have that I can say to that is... fuck off.
whateverJul. 22nd, 2009
04:30 am
Obligatory post failure entry.
I don't feel like masking anything anymore.
I don't feel like being awake right now.
I don't feel like sleeping.
I don't feel like playing guitar.
I don't feel like composing a new song.
I don't feel like listening to music.
I don't even feel like masturbating right now.
I just really feel like knocking his fucking teeth in for many many many reasons.
I also feel like a complete fucking idiot.
This is why you don't fucking bet against the odds.
Jul. 20th, 2009
10:02 am - And if you go home with another tough guy I don't wanna hear you cry, there's no more of you and I!
So today is going to be all about music. And Janelle. Recording, mixing in, experimentation in technique, and composition. I swear on it... by my sword!
Oy oy, am I lame.
Let's disguise it with rock and roll!
I've gotta start up a schedule for myself. Maybe I should buy a calender. Either way, today and tomorrow, days off, which means time to record for the album.
Wrote a couple new songs. One is called "Ink Lips", and it's about some shlub who sees a picture of a model in a magazine of some kind (fashion, cosmo, porn, whatever), and falls in love with this model but upon the realization that the two of them could never be, commits suicide. It's a pretty good piece. The other one is called "Smooth Pimpin' Backlash Fairytale" at the moment. I'm planning on most likely changing the name when I come up with something better. That song is about a player who keeps up his game and then has it turned around on him in the end. It's a pretty fun tribute to some fellas I'm not too particularly fond of, disguised by a first person musician's perspective. It's in Bb major, but uses an Eb minor chord instead of Eb major in the verses, and in the chorus does a travel from Eb major to Eb minor before settling on the Bb major. I like it a lot.
Some relevant CTTrivia! "Blindsided" used to have a different name, "Unattractive Attraction", which I chose to change due to how dumb and cheesy that name was. Plus, the song isn't supposed to be solely interpreted as a love song, but a song about a strong desire and addiction for something that is terrifying yet blissful which happened to come out of nowhere. To me it's a love song that I wrote about someone, but I didn't want it to be imprisoned in that interpretation. Wonderful song, by the by. And I'm saying that without my usual inflamed ego.
Janelle tonight. She leaves for Germany again in a couple days. This is dumb. Oh well. At least Janelle tonight.
Local H is sweet.
artisticJul. 5th, 2009
12:16 am - These notes are marked 'return to sender'; I'll save this letter for myself
Worked an 11 hour shift today. Double time and a half. Good pay, but exhausting and stressful. Most of the patrons were hispanics with english as a weak second language. You get used to it.
Hung out with J Date tonight. First time since she got back from Germania. This was enjoyable. We went to Murphy's in Manchester, because we saw it and don't really know Manchester too well. I know more bars in New York than I do Manchester. She even bought my Guinness for me. I paid tip and drove. She listened to me ramble on about my recent social issues and also about dumb little memories that I enjoyed and thusly enjoy recounting, and was a general good sport about not babying me about it, too. Thanks, J! You're therapeutic!
Better sleep. Work tomorrow.
I can run DOS on my Wii. Among other things. Which is, of course, my prerogative. After all, I do in fact have a license... to ill.
I've got more food on my plate than I can eat right now. I need to stop that.
But it's so delicious!
tiredJun. 29th, 2009
10:12 am - If we make it back I'll renounce Jack Kerouac and all that romantic crap
Waterloo
Hey there, kid, you're lookin' great
Guess it's a testament to your daddy's take
You'll never have to earn a dime
It must be nice, living so fine
But Astons and shoeshines can only last so long
There'll come a time when daddy's dead and gone
No empire ever lasts forever
They all come crumbling down eventually
Kings and Queens should never say they'll never
Come tumbling down right off their seats
You think that you're the lucky one
That you'll never have to worry some
Impervious to the outside world's laws
You'll always be your own boss
And for now I'm sure your assessment's fair
But time's scythe won't care if you're unprepared
No empire ever lasts forever
They all come crumbling down eventually
Kings and Queens should never say they'll never
Come tumbling down right off their seats
No empire ever lasts forever
They all come crumbling down eventually
Precedent exists with noble purpose
So we can avoid that which might hurt us
They say it rained at Waterloo
Pay no heed to omens if you dare
But no one will come running near
When the dirt and mud start attacking your shoes
You never even heard a sound
When you found your castle burning down
Shed a tear and weep by the grave of your fortune
But don't act surprised like there was no warning
No empire ever lasts forever
They all come crumbling down eventually
Kings and Queens should never say they'll never
Come tumbling down right off their seats
No empire ever lasts forever
They all come crumbling down eventually
Kings and Queens should never say they'll never
Have to face the bitter taste of defeat
No empire ever lasts forever
No empire ever lasts forever
artisticJun. 26th, 2009
07:10 pm - And it may be okay, but you won't wear our t-shirts now, anymore
I'm a music machine.
First album should be done before August. At least all the recording and most of the mixing. Mixing should be finished by September, latest.
Moving to New York after getting mine and Chris' music all set up on iTunes and getting band MySpace, website, Facebook group, YouTube channel, (maybe) Twitter, blog, and podcast. Blog and website may go hand in hand.
Earning more at work and spending less in life. This is good for financial statuses required for the fall, which is the target stretch of time for my move.
Reading a book called "Outliers." Very interesting read, quite inspiring. Giving me plenty of ideas as to what facts about my environment, time I live in, and lineage I should abuse to get the most out of success. Because success is based not only on hard work and talent, but also on circumstance and upbringing. Very interesting stuff.
I'm in a grunge/alt rock mood. Lots of Foo Fighters, lots of Local H, lots of this and that... not nearly enough Nirvana though. I don't actually have any Nirvana. I think they're overrated, but that doesn't mean I don't really enjoy me some Nirvana. I need to at least get "Nevermind." Unless someone wants to burn that for me?
I am of the belief that people shouldn't stress over what they don't have, and be appreciative and use what they do have. I think I better start practicing that belief.
My soul is filled with rock and roll.
Cheesy.
You love it.
rock and rollJun. 25th, 2009
12:25 am - It's somethin' in my mind won't let my heart and head and mouth connect
I'm really tempted to throw a party.
Too bad I don't really have any friends except for Chris.
This song is pretty awesome.
I've been feeling really down lately. I'm done saying why, since there's only a few things to do about it and no point in discussion or description.
I don't know whether or not I take a kind of comfort in the belief that no one reads any of my entries. At the most anyone who still checks up every now and then likely just skims through.
This isn't a cry for attention, just an observation. I don't give much of a damn, since this journal's just about writing my thoughts out with relative ease and is only public because I don't feel like hiding most of my thoughts. Plus, on the off chance I'm wrong about people not reading these, if someone wants to rebuttal my opinions, it allows them opportunity.
I wish I could write a song that'll make you fall in love with me.
But that's not why I'm on a downer. I just want to see you again is all.
I wish I could pace myself better. Sometimes I live too much in the moment and don't register distances between moments very well. What seems like yesterday to someone might feel like eons for me. I live for today, and don't think about how long ago it's been since I last had some strawberries.
I wish I wish I wish...
I wish I mattered to you about half as much as you do to me.
Can anyone be worth such a roller coaster ride?
Worth far more than the price of admission.
I should've listened to myself way back when Brenna gave up on me.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/dwaggins/sad.gif){kind=small}
blueJun. 23rd, 2009
08:46 am - Somethin' in my mind that's locked away; It's not over, I'm not sober anymore
So I've been totally digging this band from the 90's grunge scene that I've been listening to over and again for the past couple weeks. Local H. They're really really good. Alex let me borrow two of their CDs, and I've been listening to them about half as much as I listen to the Foo Fighters (this is a lot). I've also written several new songs listening to them. I love it when good music does that for me.
I read a relatively old Live Journal post of a friend of mine and wrote an entire song based on just that one entry. I'd like to put some music to it, but haven't come up with any worthwhile riffs for it yet. I'll think of something, or Chris will. We always do.
I've been feeling pretty ballsy lately. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm backed into a corner? Usually when that happens I just brace myself and try to find a quick escape. Maybe I oughtta be a little more ballsy.
I'm pretty lousy about not wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Recording is going really well. I've recorded all but one song's clean electric tracks. I think I might re-record some of them though, now that Andrew has suggested that I quad track in order to get a good decent distortion, as they translate better than a distortion pedal when you try to record them. Pedals are generally just a live thing I guess. This is fine for me, since I can belt out the entire album, several takes, in about a day anyway.
Chris on the other hand is having some trouble. Not so much with the songs, but with his own confidence and self image. He tears down his work so quickly, yet is quick to praise mine, and he's a far better composer than I am. I'm just a poet who knows his way around some music theory and a guitar, but Chris... he's got a real gift, and he downplays it so much. I don't think it's modesty, though. More like a distrust in his abilities.
He's gonna take a little while. He's only recorded two songs thus far, and he might re-record one. I've gotta be a prick and put my foot down when I hear a good take, and tell him not to re-record songs when they're already really really good.
Aside from music, my life kinda sucks. Yea, I know I live in a privileged household, and I know I've (most of the time) got food on the table, that I don't have to worry about bills right now and that I've got at least one really good friend that I get to see almost everyday. I know I've got plenty to be thankful for. I just feel really empty is all. Doctors call this thing that I get depression, but I don't do pills. I don't condemn them, but I don't do them. I'm working towards the point where I can use music to fill myself up.
Sometimes I really need a cigarette. Or happy hour.
5 hours of sleepJun. 19th, 2009
12:19 pm - One day we all can say we're gone; And haunt the ground we're from
So I cleaned my computer room to the point where it has become a comfortable place to record, real breathy, it's now a proper work place for my music. This makes me happy. And all the guitars have a stand for easy access, plus a number of music books to aid in this quest called ROCK. This process had also inadvertently forced me to clean the room I sleep in as well. I feel slightly rejuvenated and ready to get back to work.
I'm gonna record today.
back to work!Jun. 17th, 2009
09:32 pm - And all the kids, they hold a grudge; You fail them and they won't forget it
I have this dire need for some kind of accomplishment. Something impressive. Mostly for some selfish emotional reasons, give a reason for some admiration.
I'm feeling like I'm slipping here, which is weird because it was just a couple months ago that I felt like I had far more footing than I had ever did these past 5 years.
I think I defined this kind of feeling before with a Wikipedia theft:
Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s perceived superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." It can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been him or her who had the desired object.
I'm half to blame, for sure, because of all this inaction I've been committing, but at the same time it's glaringly obvious that the real reason I've never had a chance was "just because". I've been kidding myself thinking I could beat that line of reasoning, beat the odds, but in reality the concept of "just because" is probably more unstoppable than God.
Of course, I'm gonna hold onto it regardless. Something about being a glutton for punishment.
I need to become something special. Don't try to convince me that I already am. I've got no legs to stand on right now.
I need to do a 180, starting tonight.
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